McSweeney's Internet Tendency

Failed One-Liners From My Audition For Host Of Australia’s Funniest Home Videos
(with Ian Carey)

Spoilers I’ve Delivered To English Lit Majors

Failed Food Cross-Promotions Of The 1970s And Their Taglines
(with Eric Feezell)

New Romantic-Networking Websites for the Single Archaeologist
(with Eric Feezell)

Progressive Rock Fans Are Terrible Trash Talkers

My Film-Summary Exercises From Screenwriting Class (as Edited by My Pregnant Wife)

Things I Was Thinking In Hot Topic After My Three-Year-Old Daughter And I Were Greeted By A Very Provocatively Dressed Salesgirl

Anderson Cooper And Dinner Guest Eat At His Least Favorite Restaurant (Again)

Yesterday’s Book Reports From Today’s Notables

The Americans Who Voted For George W. Bush Wish To Return Their Television

Last Lines From Best American Short Stories Not Yet Written

The Internal Monologue of a Progressive Rock Fan Choosing His Wedding Song

The Morning News

The Confession of an American Jew

Yankee Pot Roast

Afternoon Delight with James Taylor

Things We Learned From Marvin and Eunice Weinstein After Buying Their Home In Surburbia

Christmas Correspondence Between Advice Columnist “Mother Wisdom” and a Disgruntled Reader

The Day I Interviewed Lloyd Dobler

If Mice Could Speak

Letter to Chris Noth: Mr. Big, Detective Logan, and Owner of N.Y.C.’s Cutting Room

The Disney Princesses Talk About Chlamydia

Subtle Changes to the Titles of Children’s Shows That Would Require Drastic Changes in Program Content

Intimidation Strategies to be Avoided in a Street Fight

A Successful Date Ends Badly for Dick Wolf — Creator of TV’s Law & Order

A Real Estate Agent’s Tour of Hannigan’s Cove: Fictional Town for Rent or Sale to Aspiring Novelists

A Frequent Contributor to a Popular Internet Humor Site Is Transported Back in Time, and, after Finding Work as a Writer on Your Show of Shows, Is Reprimanded by Sid Caesar within One Week

Comedy Central

Six American Politicians Who Were Born as Un-Americans

The Top 27 Political Bastards of All Time (The Real Kind)

Top Seven Political Secret Girlfriends

Looking Back John Stewart's Interview with Jim Cramer

The 6 Drinkiest Politicians in U.S. History

The 7 Greatest White Men of Women's History

The Most Important Jews in Politics of 2008

Cracked.com

5 Oil Spill Solutions Now That Kevin Costner is Helping

5 Things from the 90's That Might (As Well) Come Back

30 Harrowing Days in Rehab for Facebook Addiction

The Trials of Gladstone (as told by Franz Kafka)

A Practical Guide To Sexting (For Men Over 30)

Mac vs. PC: Either Way You’re Screwed When It Breaks

Cracked.com Writes A Movie!

Introducing Braggaboo! Facebook’s Hot New Meme!

Excerpts from Gary Condit’s Book ‘Humping Is Not Murder’

My Break Up Letter To Regina Spektor

Don’t Be Like Jessica Simpson: A Lesson For Young Girls Everywhere

Opium Magazine

My Cruel Fetish

When I Rule the World, My Musical Heroes Will Help Me Live My Life

Themes for Fiction Welcomed by the New Yorker
(with G. Xavier Robillard)

Reflections On My Old Departing Toys

A Story About A Boy and His Dog

FLYMF

New Show Ideas For Chris Hansen For When He’s Done With To Catch A Predator

When George Lucas Gets His Hands On Other Hollywood Blockbusters
(with G. Xavier Robillard)

The Best Saturday Night Live Skits That Never Aired (Because They’re Not Real)

A Love Letter to Giardia Lamblia, the Single Celled Parasite Formerly Living in my Small Intestine

The Big Jewel

Before They Were Literary Giants They Submitted Lists To Hip Online Humor Magazines

The Six Month Benihana Job Evalution of Mindfreak’s Criss Angel

Han Solo Prepares For The Mos Eisley Mayoral Electiton

Battle of the Bands That Would Have No Career If Radiohead Had Kept Making Accessible Music